Could it get any worse?
Well, she lied to us.
I guess I should have expected it, but I can't tell you how much it hurt to realize it last night. I spoke to my lawyer, and last week after we called M and confronted her, she left a tearful message with the lawyer that she had lied to us, and the guy we met was not the father, and she was scared she was going to prison for lying. She says she did it because she was ashamed that she was "with" someone, and didn't want us to know. We don't know if this guy is still in her life or not. Our lawyer was in court all day Monday and Tuesday morning, so wasn't able to let us know this information sooner. We have ascertained that the guy the lawyer met could be the father, but he was definitely not the guy we met. The lawyer is going to see him again this week to see if he'll sign, and if not, tell him we will await a DNA test.
I left M a message afterwards that we had spoken with the lawyer, and knew she had lied to us. I told her she needed to come clean with us about everything if she wanted to go forward with this, and that we wouldn't judge her or be mad at her for any choices she made. I asked her to call me back last night, but she didn't.
I feel so hurt, and betrayed. I asked her point-blank if she was lying to us, and she said no. She probably lied to us other times too - like the strange answering machine messages and blowing us off in Nashville. I woke up this morning feeling so angry. Angry at her, and angry at myself for buying into her lies for so long and being so blind. The overwhelming desire to have a child when you are infertile and can't will do strange things to your sensibilities.
Now I don't know what to do. We are three weeks away from the due date, and I do still feel like there's a chance she's going to place this baby. Maybe she was lying about that too. The potential father said she was only doing this for a free place to live and didn't intend to go through with it (his moral character is not very high though). But I'm not sure I want a person like her in my life, the baby's life, so any post-placement contact would have to be photos and letters only. I think we are pretty close to shutting down the gravy train, and telling her that if she seriously wants to place this child, she can call us when he's born and the revocation period is over.
posted by Mel @ 7:01 AM
13 comments
13 Comments:
{{hugs}}} I pray that you are comforted by Him and that He allow you clarity and strength in the decision you have to make now. May you have peace in knowing that whatever you decided is the path intended for you and that you have friends and family praying for your happiness.
Mel, I really don't know what to say. I'm so, so sorry.
I would shut down the gravy train, as well. It may be the only way you get a response out of her. I agree. At this point, she is either going to put the baby up for placement or not. If she doesn't, she probably was planning all along not to.
Let her funds dry up, and see if she isn't on the horn calling you crying with some sob story. Don't give in to her whims. I would stand my ground with someone like this. It may be the only way your going to get some answers out of her. If she thinks she can get money out of you, she will tell whatever you want to hear.
I am truly sorry that you had this happen to you.
I still think in the end she will give the baby up for placement. She is just trying to milk the situation for what she can get.
I agree with you on the post-placement contact. Once the baby is yours, I would look into having minimal contact with her. She sounds like she could be a negative influence. Also with her previous actions, who knows what flaky thing she could try doing.
I just wanted to let you know that you are doing the right thing. You have given her WAY too many chances. I think, more than the average couple.
I will pray that everything works out for you.
Tami
Oh, Melissa. I'm so sorry. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard. Please know that I'm hoping with all that I've got that this works out.
This is the problem with pre-birth placements and expenses...too much room for manipulation from both sides.
I would stop paying expenses, and if she wants to place she can call the agency or your attorney or even the state after he is born and you can adopt him then.
Mel ~~> So sorry you are going through this. Proceed with caution, let her know that you will be there for the baby if she decides to place, but that she has damaged the trust in your relationship and that is hard to get back. Be strong!
hugs to you both,
Elizabeth (FAB)
Mel-well crap. I'm sorry M lied to you. I hope that she calls you back soon...but maybe it is time to shut down the gravy train...and if she does place with you...limited contact is wise.
Thinking of you!
Sarah
I'm so sorry, Mel and David!
I hope this situation works out in the best way possible, and I'm so sorry for everything you've been through!
Oh, Mel, I am sooooo sorry about this. I'm just sick to my stomach. I have tears in my eyes as I write this knowing how very much you have put into this situation. I really, really, really hope it will still work out for you in the end. Oh, I'm so angry at M! Soooooooo angry!!!
I'm so sorry - it stinks so much that you're in this situation. But your decisions make sense. I wish so much that M would just grow up. Leslie
Just wanted to let you know I've been keeping up to date on what's happening and I'm praying for you, David and that baby to find peace no matter the outcome.
I've been following your story, this makes me so sick. I pray this all works out for you.
Thank you all of you for your kind thoughts. I really, really appreciate them. It amazes me the love that can pour out of the Internet when you feel so down and lost and helpless.
It blows my mind that people can behave like this. But I am not and never have been part of M's world, and I don't know what drives a person in her situation. I think lies and manipulation are probably par for the course. I am a very trusting and kind person, and David and I figured at the least, we could consider this some charity work for a person in need. I know I have given her a lot more than most people would, and maybe I'm foolish for that. But none of us want to believe the worst of the person who is going to be our child's first mother. We want to believe every little story that comes out of her mouth, even if our gut feeling says it's a lie.
Whatever the outcome of this, please pray for this child. He is an innocent in all of this, and doesn't deserve this person for a mother.
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